Playday at the Parelli ISC

I never thought I would be typing that heading - "Playday at the Parelli ISC" - how fun is that?

A level 4 friend of mine drove down from the Florida-Georgia border on Friday with her horse, Jake, and parked here at the farm. She gave some much-needed pointers with Satin, namely "you're babying her" and "don't let her get in your space (ie, you're babying her)." I noticed positive changes as soon as I stopped allowing Satin to "step on top of me." You'd be surprised how much the tiniest allowances can reinforce a behavior that you don't want. I wouldn't assertively ask Satin to move away from me when she would absentmindedly plow me with her shoulder. Instead I would kind of shove her (which did nothing) and just felt frustrated. My friend noticed this right away and suggested a quick, appropriate reaction -- use pressure (natural reinforcment to horses) to immediately get her from your space and be conscious of where she is so that you don't allow her to enter your space (once she's right on top of me it is very difficult to get her back without backing up my own feet and losing her dominance game).

It took half a dozen of times of (pretty much just shaking the line, shaking my hands and carrot stick) these "wins" and Satin was looking me in the eyes as if to say "You exist? Who are you and where did you come from?"
All I did was make the behavior she was choosing (dominance) uncomfortable or simply not fun and the behavior which I wanted (her to step out of my space and in turn me become the leader) was pleasurable (no pressure).

So that was Friday.

Saturday we loaded up by 7am and made the 1 hour trek to the Parelli center in Reddick. Beautiful is an understatement. The enormous, ancient oak trees were simply amazing. The farm was not fancy at all. The fences were simple: black 4-board fencing or electric tape. They had two water troughs in every pasture (one with plain water and one with molasses water). They have no big, fancy barns; just beautiful pastures with modest enclosures and metal corral panels as turnout for the extern's horses. There was a thin running creek with a bridge, some low-lying areas with maintained natural ponds. There are a handful of buildings - a classroom, office, and dining hall - all very new and efficient.
The staff were incredibly friendly and had accents from all across the world. I heard Australian, German, and others that I couldn't even place - every voice was inviting and polite.
The point is that it's evident that they don't spend money on fancy houses and cars or on unnatural barns, etc (their house is maybe 3,000 square feet (solar panels, energy efficient and covered in plants) and they have one vehicle each - Pat has a Ford truck and Linda has a Land Rover).  Instead they use their profits for spreading the word about their wonderful program. Not only was I able to receive direct encouragement on the Savvy Club forums from the Parelli community, but I sent emails back and forth with a Parelli staff member who offered me personal support regarding whether or not I should come to the Parelli ISC for the games (for those of you who don't know the games are free).

Satin loaded and unloaded without a blink of an eye. She loves to load, as a matter of fact, and always has. I just point her at the trailer and Ms. Curious just climbs right in. She really didn't care about the other horses as we walked around the trailer when we arrived. All the horses were paying attention to their human counterparts - very few were being 'naughty' or 'looky'. It was like being at a dog agility show -- those dogs don't take their eyes off their two-legged parents! I think Satin was comforted by all these relaxed horses as starkly opposed to a horse show where the air is so thick with stress you can cut it with a knife. Also there was quite a bit of grass.... Mmm, food-in-mouth. I think she gets a similar endorphin rush from eating food as she does from cribbing!
We were there from about 8:30am until 1:00pm and we wandered the beautifully landscaped property, played a few timed-games, and most impressively we worked on our circling game in the round corrals. I am thrilled to have gone to the center, thrilled that everything went smoothly, and psyched that Satin and I had a breakthrough in those round corrals! It really couldn't have gone any better (unless Satin turned into a Unicorn Pegasus, now that would be awesome).

Satin, we are on the track to an awesome relationship!

I'll post pictures soon!

Why Am I So Nervous?

I have not been this excited & anxious since, well, since I was a little girl on Christmas Eve. I don't know why I am so nervous, but hopefully it's a good nervous and not a "conscience trying to tell me to run the other way!"

Satin and I are going to the Parelli Center on Saturday!! Holy frikkin moly! I know, I know, it's not that big of a deal. But we haven't gone anywhere for years. Part of my excitement is that we are heading in the right direction. I have no expectations - we may end up coming home having learned nothing new (I doubt that), or we may end up having a much needed break through - either way I am happy to just spend time with my girl. The nervous/anxious part of me is probably me hoping that Satin doesn't get out of control. I won't be embarrassed if she pulls me to the ground and runs off. It won't be the end of the world. I kind of even hope she'll be upset and we can target that emotion and work on it. I guess I just subconsciously wish we didn't have that issue to deal with.

I keep trying to back out of going on Saturday. I told John that "I have so much to do" and "I don't really need to go" and "Her coggins just expired". So I am sort of battling with myself! I have the vet coming out today (I called this morning!) to come draw coggins and do a health certificate (butterflies in my belly!). I am RSVPing to the Parelli office today and have the farrier scheduled to come trim Satin's toes on Thursday (OMG, it's actually happening)!

I need a little excitement in my life to break up all my stress. This is so good for me and I hope Satin has a good time, too. Woo hoo!

Lazy or Comfortable???

Satin gladly came with me to the arena where I has 5 jumps, barrels, and other obstacles set up to keep her interested. I figured we'd stay away from the circling game without obstacles in hopes that she won't get so upset.

I started walking around the arena with her on the 12' line. We sniffed jumps, knocked some cones over, and just sort of wandered with no intention of doing anything. She started getting sleepy and clearly bored, so I decided to see if she wanted to express herself. It was windy and cold, so I just assumed she would be spunky.

Wrong, again. How interesting.

Instead of trotting excitedly behind me, after two trot steps she stopped. I stopped with her, allowing her to lead the play session. She sniffed the ground and laid down. I chuckled. Was she not feeling well? She just laid there on her side. So I pet her and listened to her gut sounds. All fine.
She decided to get up and we walked around again. As soon as I asked her to follow me at a quicker pace, BAM, she lay down. Was she trying to tell me that this is what I want to do? Was she pretending she had a belly ache to get out of exercising? I wasn't sure, so I sat with her.

She did this one more time, again immediately after asking her to trot. As soon as I took her off the line she felt fine trotting. How interesting...

She jumped a few things, but mostly just clobbered the obstacles then looked at me like "That's what I supposed to do, right? Kill it?"

Ah, my horse. Not sure what I am supposed to think. Not sure when I am supposed to be firm and ask her to move on. Not sure she's secure and confident enough to be okay with that. Feeling very unsure!

Ah well, we are still moving forward. The good news is the new joint supplement seems to have really made a significant improvement to her popping joints. I am VERY surprised to see such an improvement after only 30 days, but it is definitely there. No buts about it.

On a side note, Dancer has been watching me play with with boarder alpha mare and is getting very interested. She has been more curious and has even shown signs of dominance over the alpha mare - very unlike Dancer! Maybe she's gaining confidence in herself and in me as her leader.

All my fault!

It is hard to admit when you've been selfish. It's hard to admit you're to blame. It's hard to accept that you've done wrong for so long.
When my eyes were opened to the atrocious treatment of the animals we eat, I was shocked! I was an animal sciences major. I volunteered in slaughterhouses. I participated in meat processing. I learned all the aspects of factory farming (so I thought) and I was still in deep denial. I thought, "This is the way it has to be". The animals are okay. We eat meat, so there's no alternative.

Boy, was I wrong! When I allowed myself to feel what they felt and acknowledged that I, as a consumer, was directly responsible for their suffering, I couldn't handle it. I needed to stop supporting the torture. Intelligent, playful pigs stuck in crates so small they can't turn around - they go mad. Hens jammed packed into wire floor cages, horribly sick and dying, the cage the size of a piece of notebook paper. Chickens grown for such huge breasts that they can't walk. Turkey's skeletons can not even hold up their flesh and their pelvises split. Dairy cows' babies torn from their side the moment give birth - they moo and call until they're hoarse and broken. Bull calves of the dairy industry left to die in the pasture because they are worth nothing to the industry or they are sent to live in a veal crate, tied by their neck, kept purposely iron-deficient so their flesh is pretty pink when their infant bodies are rendered. Horses abandoned by their owners and sent on a long, traumatic journey to their horrific death.

I had to admit that the way I had been living, completely in the dark because it was emotionally easier, was not only morally wrong, but was contributing to these beautiful animals' suffering.
It's not easy changing habits.

How does this relate to my Parelli journey?

I have been in denial about my horse. It is easier to blame her 'issues' on her. If I let myself believe that she is responsible for her shenanigans, then I don't have to feel guilty.

Yesterday was one of those days when I realized that I needed to take the higher road. I needed to accept that I was responsible for Satin's fear - fear that pretended was brattiness!
Satin has been trying to tell me all these years that she's insecure. She's unconfident. And she needs me to lead her.

I went out to the pasture to visit Satin with the intention of taking her for a walk down the road. I even considered riding bareback like the old days. We used to gallop on the side of busy roads, racing the cars, bareback and free. We would ride through children-filled neighborhoods, along side walks, through puddles and retention ponds. Nothing got in our way. That was almost ten years ago now!

So I just wanted a little of what we used to have. I was having an awful day and wanted to be around my best friend.
She came to me in the pasture and immediately noticed that I had treats. She sweetly put her nose in the halter and we walked around a bit in the pasture. She stuck close to me, like usual. I tried to play some yo-yo games but she seemed a little tense. I would back her just 5 feet and she would hold her foot up, anxious. I figured since she couldn't stand still that we could work on the circling game. I quietly gave her the 'send'. She took two steps on the circle ad turned towards me, ears forward, about to walk to me. I stopped her and backed her a few steps. Anxiety again. I sent her again, a very gentle swing of the carrot stick.. . . . .

Well, she blew a cork. She galloped in a 15 foot circle for 10 laps. Asking her to stop wasn't helping. So I just stood their while she galloped full speed, around and around and around. I tried disengaging her hind quarters - she would face me, ears forward, and break to a big trot coming directly at me (very nervous and still ready to explode). For my own safety I asked her (being very soft in my requests) to stop where she was. She took that as a reprimand and galloped past me, bucking, striking.
Her ears were never pinned. She was not naughty or cocky. Fact is, she was very unconfident and frustrated. She didn't feel that she could come back to me without getting 'spanked' for not doing 'right'. She wants to please me, but I never allow her to!

It is heart wrenching to admit that I have caused this. But like the time I decided to not eat animals, I was going to take the high road, no matter what it did to my pride, knowing it is the right choice for her. It's not about me. It's about the relationship.

After an emotionally draining day this was not the type of play session I wanted. But I had time to think before writing this. Initially, right after I ended our play session, I was depressed. My horse hates me. She doesn't do anything I want her to. She won't just be calm! I stewed and the wind was long gone from my sails.

I kept hearing Parelli in my head, "How interesting" and "It's about the relationship"... I wanted to scream, "My horse is different! She's impossible!"
That's when it hit me. My horse isn't psycho. My horse's leader isn't a leader. If I were, she would follow. Simple as that.

Satin and I have a long road ahead of us. I have been tasked with showing her that I won't get mad at her. I need to show her that she's good. She needs to be rewarded for the slightest try, because she really does try hard.

I know it will be a challenge, but it is worth every tear.

So here's to accepting the blame and to a bright future.